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[ voice / action ]
VOICE
[ He would write, but Erwin's handwriting at the moment verges on illegible. That's what happens, unfortunately, when one is forced to begin using their non-dominant hand. So speaking it is. It seems, as much as he might have tried to keep a low profile since his return for the sake of recovering some strength, Erwin simply can't help voicing his thoughts--even on his birthday. Not that he's going to mention that, of course. The journal entry, which he makes around mid-afternoon, begins with him clearing his throat before he begins to talk. ]
I believe that with winter quickly approaching, we could all benefit from having a warm space to continue to grow food over the colder months. A communal greenhouse would be the most logical option.
[ After some discussion between them, this had been mentioned by Levi previously when the two of them were in Luceti before, but he thinks they are likely in need of it now more than ever. ]
As someone who hails from a world with resources similar to those available to us here, I think this is entirely possible. Creating several smaller structures would likely work best, as they would be able to retain heat better than a larger building. There are a number of ways to generate heat: using the sun to warm stone or troughs of water, using compost, or even a stove of some sort, but those are only a few possibilities. I am interested to hear suggestions from others as well. Do you think that this would be a worthwhile project, and if so what do you believe to be the best method? I know there are many of you here with skills unique to your worlds. Perhaps you have an answer that someone else may not.
Location would also be a determining factor. I've scouted some potential areas, but that should be a group decision as well.
ACTION
[ Erwin can be found outside for most of the morning and early afternoon, out looking at potential places to put these greenhouses that he'll later mention on the journal. He'll be looking around the village in general, spending quite a bit of time by the stables--heat from the animals and the manure they produce could be useful--and around buildings furthest away from encroaching trees. He'll have to monitor which spots get the most sun over the course of the next few days. Those who knew him previously in the village but haven't yet seen him again will note that these days he wears a long coat (though still emblazoned with the Survey Corps emblem) rather than the short jacket he'd previously preferred, and no longer bothers with the trademark harness that enables the use of the 3DMG. The most significant change by far, however, is the distinct lack of his right arm, completely missing just below the shoulder. He'd tied the empty right sleeve of his coat off today in a neat knot, keeping it out of his way.
The later part of the day he spends at home, which has recently become Building One, with his roommates--effectively the only two people in residence who are actually aware that he turned thirty-eight today. ]
[ He would write, but Erwin's handwriting at the moment verges on illegible. That's what happens, unfortunately, when one is forced to begin using their non-dominant hand. So speaking it is. It seems, as much as he might have tried to keep a low profile since his return for the sake of recovering some strength, Erwin simply can't help voicing his thoughts--even on his birthday. Not that he's going to mention that, of course. The journal entry, which he makes around mid-afternoon, begins with him clearing his throat before he begins to talk. ]
I believe that with winter quickly approaching, we could all benefit from having a warm space to continue to grow food over the colder months. A communal greenhouse would be the most logical option.
[ After some discussion between them, this had been mentioned by Levi previously when the two of them were in Luceti before, but he thinks they are likely in need of it now more than ever. ]
As someone who hails from a world with resources similar to those available to us here, I think this is entirely possible. Creating several smaller structures would likely work best, as they would be able to retain heat better than a larger building. There are a number of ways to generate heat: using the sun to warm stone or troughs of water, using compost, or even a stove of some sort, but those are only a few possibilities. I am interested to hear suggestions from others as well. Do you think that this would be a worthwhile project, and if so what do you believe to be the best method? I know there are many of you here with skills unique to your worlds. Perhaps you have an answer that someone else may not.
Location would also be a determining factor. I've scouted some potential areas, but that should be a group decision as well.
ACTION
[ Erwin can be found outside for most of the morning and early afternoon, out looking at potential places to put these greenhouses that he'll later mention on the journal. He'll be looking around the village in general, spending quite a bit of time by the stables--heat from the animals and the manure they produce could be useful--and around buildings furthest away from encroaching trees. He'll have to monitor which spots get the most sun over the course of the next few days. Those who knew him previously in the village but haven't yet seen him again will note that these days he wears a long coat (though still emblazoned with the Survey Corps emblem) rather than the short jacket he'd previously preferred, and no longer bothers with the trademark harness that enables the use of the 3DMG. The most significant change by far, however, is the distinct lack of his right arm, completely missing just below the shoulder. He'd tied the empty right sleeve of his coat off today in a neat knot, keeping it out of his way.
The later part of the day he spends at home, which has recently become Building One, with his roommates--effectively the only two people in residence who are actually aware that he turned thirty-eight today. ]
[Action]
/I don't know what you're talking about./
[She adds the last vegetables to the pot and covers it. From here on it's a watching game, stirring occasionally, feeding the fire as needed. It's times like this when she misses the convenience of an electric (or even gas) range, but people survived cooking meals over fires for thousands of years so she can deal. She grabs a dishcloth and wipes off her hands before setting it aside and turning to face Erwin again.]
/Dinner won't be ready for two more hours, but help yourself to the bread and cheese. It's fresh./
[Action]
[ This is the sort of food he's used to, and it's somehow comforting to eat it, despite how hard-won it is here. He takes a knife in hand to begin cutting the bread, but falters when the loaf moves and the cut is jagged and uneven. It's often these simple everyday tasks, things that had once been so simple that he'd hardly even thought about them, that remind him most acutely of the reality of his situation. After a moment of uncertainty (hesitation, something else he's not used to), he speaks up. ]
I'm sorry, Ginia--would you mind holding the end while I cut? It would be...easier, that way.
[ He won't mangle the whole loaf that way, more like, but it's humbling enough to ask for help with something so mundane in the first place. ]
[Action]
(There's a small pang of loneliness; Evan would have been a good guide to have around.)
A conversation with Eugene comes to mind and she hesitates slightly. Of course she would tell him, it was information worth knowing, but the hard part was finding the right words to say. Ginia liked to believe there was enough trust between them now that they could speak frankly (not that Ginia had never conversed frankly around him) but she hadn't asked about his missing arm either.
Never felt like her business to know or something that mattered in the long term.]
/If given the choice, would you want your arm back?/
[Action]
Setting the knife down, he turns to watch Ginia sign. His surprise at the question is obvious. Ginia is more than welcome to speak plainly with him, but this is a topic he hadn't expected her to broach. ]
That would depend on the situation.
[ His left hand curls and uncurls. He imagines his right doing the same. ]
As it is, I...am not sure that I would feel right accepting it back. Not when my actions have caused others to lose so much more.
[Action]
[Her signs come as a gut reaction, out before she's had a chance to pick and sanitize her words, but even then she doesn't take them back. Her smile fades into a frown and Ginia tries to pick out what part of his words bother her the most.
There's no pretending she understands his life completely. His enemies are monsters trying to destroy humanity, her's are the monsters found within humanity. He's a natural leader, military-background, order and goals. She's a manipulator, street-training, chaos and outcomes. But she knows what guilt is like and knows how crushing it can be. Knows how easy hating and loathing yourself is. What it's like keeping together for everyone's sake because if you aren't holding yourself together, then no one can.
They're both thirty-eight and the years have been cruel.]
/You can't think like that. You can't think in terms of what you deserve and what you don't. It'll drag you down without you knowing./
[Action]
When he lost his arm, he recognized it as only a small part of that return. He would pay the rest of his debt off in hell. In a way, this inevitability allows him to have some semblance peace. He will pay for his sins. He will pay. It is what which enables him to move forward rather than becoming mired in his own guilt. Promising himself future punishment makes him able to do what must be done today, however horrific. Though it could never compare, the loss of his arm is some recompense for all the pain he's caused. It's something. ]
It has to balance out somehow.
[ His voice is quieter than he'd intended for it to be. ]
I shouldn't be allowed to cause so much suffering without feeling any of it myself.
[Action]
[It's a question she could ask herself. If she knew Erwin's thoughts and feelings, they would mirror her own. Her crimes and sins were varied and for all her good intentions and actions they had done nothing but pave her path to hell. Protect those who could not defend themselves. Wasn't that her mantra? At what point did it lose meaning when there was a trail of bodies and blood and ruined lives in her wake?
But it was easy supporting someone else, always was. Just another way to pay back to karma.
Her expression fades into a sad smile, honest and tired as she mostly is.]
/There's a saying in my world that if you put a frog in a pot of boiling water, the frog will jump out. But if you put a frog in warm water and gradually raise the temperature, it won't even realize it's boiling./
[Action]
I'll boil, if that is what it takes.
[ Glancing away from Ginia, he looks at his hand instead, clenched into a fist. He releases it, lets it fall back to his side. ]
When I return it likely won't matter. I'll pay my debt soon enough.
[ He is so very tired. Even these weeks in Luceti have not made him less weary, and they certainly haven't done anything to quiet the doubts that had begun to creep into his mind while in awaiting his sentence in captivity. But he's said too much already. He looks at her again only as he apologizes, the already hard line of his jaw seeming somehow firmer, set with his own morbid sense of determination. ]
I shouldn't burden you with these thoughts. I'm sorry.
[Action]
/It's your birthday. I believe that means you can do whatever you want./
[She crosses back to the stove, opens the door and fans the flames a little before closing it back up.]
/And don't worry about burdening me. I have a strong back and I'm good at keeping secrets./
[Ginia pauses, sighs and shakes her head again.]
/And despite my better judgment, I do care about you./
[Action]
[ Like personal judgments of himself. Though he will on occasion make offhand derogatory comments or self-depreciating jokes, the depth of his negative feelings toward himself isn't something that should be aired, nor should how he deals with that self-hatred. Especially when he is feeling so vulnerable, and the usual qualifications he makes for his actions simply aren't holding the weight they used to. ]
I certainly don't doubt your strength or reliability. I am more than grateful to call you an ally, a partner, and a friend.
[ He cares about her as well, given that he does not pick friends lightly. He thinks little of placing his hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently. ]
Matters from home have been weighing on me more than usual. Though I know it does me no good to dwell on these things here, I can't help but do so anyway.
[Action]
Her hand reaches up to squeeze his.]
/I know all too well how matters from home can weigh on you./ [Even being dead didn't make things easier. Natalie, Jack, the outcome of Project Whitecap, all those weighed on her mind, more so after the Malnosso got into her mind.] /You eventually move on or talk it out. Or someone from your future shows up and gives you information./
[Ginia smiles wryly. A relief, but a burden in its own way. She was happy everything turned out mostly well, but it was a hard reminder too. She was missed. She wasn't there. That was a fact that couldn't be erased.]
/Don't be like me. Don't bottle everything up. You have L-E-V-I./